3 YEARS

So today is three years since Billy died. I have been having a little bit of a hard time this year. I ask myself why. Why is this year any different than last? Many well meaning people say time will heal my heart, my husbands heart and my childrens hearts. The fact is that the hole in my heart will always be there until I am reunited with Billy. My heart is full of love for my great husband and awesome children. My heart was bursting with joy when my precious grandson was born this year. Bursting, yet the whole was still there. I think back at the 21 short years that I was able to be with Billy and I wouldn't change a thing. Was he perfect? NO! Neither am I. I watched him grow. I watched him make some decisions that weren't the best but he learned and grew from them. I watched him accomplish so much. I watched him laugh and make others laugh. I sat through countless basketball and baseball practices and games. I watched as he taught his brothers and cousins how to play ball. I watched him learn and grow into a great young man. I watched him fight cancer for 18 months. Through this time we drew closer as husband and wife and as a family. My faith got me through that 18 months and the last 3 years, my testimony strengthened.


I have decided that the reason I am having a hard time this year is because our family had another first without Billy. I know he is here in spirit but you can't hug a spirit :) I know he will live on in all of our memories. I smile at those memories and laugh at others. Every time I see Billy in his nephews smile, I smile.